Top 5 Posts of the Year on Old Ain’t Dead

Old Ain’t Dead began on July 16, 2013. Since that day, about 120 posts have appeared. Normally, I’d give you the top 10 posts of the year, but Old Ain’t Dead is still a baby. In light of our 6 months of operation, I’m only going to list the top 5 posts. Next year, I’ll aim for 10. Hope you’ll stick around for it.

  1. Lost Girl Season 4 Trailer: Here’s What We Know – Updated
  2. Outtakes from The Heat
  3. Recap: Last Tango in Halifax S1, E5
  4. Recap: Last Tango in Halifax, S1 E3
  5. Sarah Lancashire in Rose and Maloney

Thanks for reading, for commenting, and for taking the trip with me.

Recap: Lost Girl S4, E5 Let the Dark Times Roll

We begin this episode of Lost Girl back in the conversation in which The Keeper (Christine Horne) tells Bo (Anna Silk) her blood has spoken and she’s dark.

Bullshit
Bullshit

Bo calls bullshit on The Keeper, but, alas, the gargoyle read her blood when he took that chunk out of her arm. Bo wants to know how something so momentous could happen without her approval. Seems it’s a mystery for her and whoever led the dark recently – that would be Vex (Paul Amos). The Keeper tells Bo to leave. Bo says, “If anyone’s taking a leave, it’s you and your circle jerk of doom.” She planned this as her grand exit remark, but The Keeper adds, “If you see the human doctor or that terrorist pet of yours, tell them we will see them soon. Their deaths will be most painful.”

Bo tries sucking the chi from everyone in the room, but as soon as she does it goes right back where it came from and Bo collapses on the floor.

Bo’s current choices are, 1) Pay fealty to the leader of the dark Fae, or 2) die. I hate it when The Keeper gets in the last word.

Now serving number 69
Now serving 69

Bo and Kenzi (Ksenia Solo) go to some joint where the purpose of the place is either to make a whole lot of 69 jokes or else let Bo fill up on sexual chi.

I’ve said for 4 seasons that Bo needs a place she can pop in on her way home, a place away from her love life, to fill up on sex. A gym full of Amazons, or a biker bar full of dudes in leather jackets. A place to service her needs. All of a sudden such a place appears, serving up just what Bo craves. Welcome to Club 69. Take a number.

Once Bo’s recharged the old double D’s – her batteries, you silly – she blames her current problem on The Wanderer. She’s ready to find him and plans to use Vex to help her.

Kenzi thinks maybe Dyson could help, but he’s still off somewhere searching for Lauren (Zoie Palmer).

Dyson isn’t the only person MIA in this episode: Hale is missing, too. Every episode so far in season 4 has had missing persons. Is this a meaningful statement on the “lostness” of everyone in season 4, or is it budget cuts?

Evony is back
Evony is back

Bo and Kenzi storm The Morrigan’s place to discover that Evony (Emanuelle Vaugier) is back and très happy that Bo has joined the dark Fae. Since Bo thought Evony was dead, she is a bit surprised finding her here. Bo says she’s having her dark conversion annulled as soon as she gets Vex.

The Morrigan invites them to a dark Fae party. The Morrigan says Bo can get out of being dark Fae if she shows proof she was tricked before the next full moon – which is that night.

We'll do dinner
We’ll do dinner

Trick (Rick Howland) promises to do dinner with someone on the phone if they will get him intel on The Wanderer. When he hangs up the phone, he looks at a pulsating seed or nut thingy. Whatever it is, it requires worrisome music as it pulsates. Trick locks it in his vault.

A man appears out of the dark to tell Trick he’s been summoned by the Una Mens for an inquisition on his life.

Kenzi, Bo, and Tamsin (Rachel Skarsten) arrive at the dark Fae party. Kenzi goes straight for the food and booze. Evony offers Bo a human to feed on. Bo sends the human and her human friends packing. Evony finds Bo’s refusal to feed off the human lame. She argues that at least the dark Fae are honest about what they do, unlike the light Fae who pretend they are better than the dark.

How did I end up pledged to you?
How did I end up pledged to you?

Evony shepherds Bo outside where they continue to argue about whether or not Bo is going to stay dark and be loyal to The Morrigan. The Morrigan repeats the story that Vex is who they both need to find. The Morrigan is “giving her every resource” to find him. To prove what a good friend she is now, Evony turns Bo around to see this.

Your Valentine
Your Valentine

Lauren walks across a grassy field, looking so gorgeous it’s likes she’s a Valentine’s Day commercial.

Look at that
Look at that

Bo smiles as Lauren walks closer in slo-mo. As Bo watches this heavenly creature approach, she frowns slightly – maybe things aren’t entirely perfect in the situation.

The inquisition
The inquisition

While the Bo and Lauren reunion is going on, Trick is before The Keeper for his inquisition. We learn the story of the Una Mens. When the Blood King became corrupt, a council was made of members willing to sacrifice their individual flaws to form a single soul without ego or ambition. The Blood King agreed, then betrayed the Una Mens. The deal involved every one of the six council members swallowing a seed of the sacred papyrus plant to be blessed as a single vessel of humility and justice. The king stole his seed and vanished. (Hey, Keeper, I think Trick has it in his vault.)

The Keeper says if the Blood King swallows the sacred seed, he can be unchallenged and take his place among them. Trick likes the unchallenged part of her remarks.

We have a lot to talk about
We have a lot to talk about

Bo and Lauren find a quiet room at the party, where they say they have a lot to talk about but can’t stop kissing long enough to say much or eat the quiche a waiter offers. Bo, in her new none-too-tender way, is ready to rip Lauren’s dress off her right there at the party. Lauren doesn’t seem offended, she only wants more kisses.

Kenzi and Tamsin are filling plates off a table covered with 9000 kinds of food, when Kenzi picks up some sushi and discovers Bruce under it. The sushi table is actually Bruce (Ron Archer). Kenzi calls him brushi.

I didn't want you to see me like this
I didn’t want you to see me like this

He says it’s his punishment. He’s shirtless (hey, someone’s gotta do it – Dyson’s not here) and Kenzi pulls a tablecloth off a nearby table to wrap around him. The bride and groom whose party this is lay dead under the table, but Kenzi is more interested in Bruce. Bruce, however, feels bad because they read their vows in iambic pentameter – so lovely.

Why are you here
Why are you here?

Bo and Lauren continue kissing as fast as they can. Lauren says, “Bo, I’m so glad you’re here.” She pauses, “Why are you here?” Equally interesting but unasked by Bo: why is Lauren here?

“Vex worked with The Wanderer to turn me dark.” You’re dark? asks Lauren. Lauren says she’s hiding from the Una Mens. That does not sound right – the Una Mens isn’t who had her captive in the last episode, even though they threatened Bo with Lauren’s name. Bo and Lauren promise to tell each other everything, but instead start kissing again.

Evony comes and and goes back to business. She wants a blood oath that Bo will bring Vex to her. In exchange, she offers the means to find him.

I'm so excited to be working with you
I’m so excited to be working with you

In walks Pietra (Samantha Espie) who is super pumped to be going on an adventure with Bo as one of “Evony’s Angels.” Evony explains that Bo also needs a certain drug that only you-know-who can provide to make Vex compliant. Evony leaves with the Scavenger and tells Bo and Lauren they have a few minutes to collect themselves.

Kiss me quick
Waste not, want not

Not much time, says Lauren. Bo figures waste not, want not, and grabs Lauren for another kiss.

Bo, Lauren and Pietra take off in the dead bride and groom’s limo to search for Vex. A Just Married sign and a string of cans decorate the back. Pietra does some scavenging and comes back with a huge knife.

The only way to cut out the poison
The only way to cut out the poison

The knife is the key to Vex being able to cut out some poison which prevents him from leaving town. Vex is expecting Pietra to bring him the knife.

Bruce and his bod
Bruce and his bod

Bruce, still shirtless, but not for long so enjoy it while you can, tells Kenzi he can be saved if another Fae masters him until his punishment is fulfilled. Kenzi immediately tells Tamsin, who is, what – 3 weeks old by now – to master Bruce.

I'm gonna master all over the big guy there
I’m gonna master all over the big guy there

Tamsin grabs a mic from the D.J. (so convenient there’s a D.J. at this party) and says she’s gonna master all over the big guy, Bruce.

Wait one sec. You can’t just declare yourself a master. You have to duel for it with the current master. Evony calls out the “dualist.”

Bruce's current master
Bruce’s current master

The dualist is a bad ass chick that isn’t going to take any shit off of anyone. Unfortunately she doesn’t have any lines, so I can’t find a credit for her name. Just call her Awesome Personified for now.

Stick Vex with this
Stick Vex with this

On the street where Pietra is attempting to attract the attention of Vex by marching about with the big knife, Lauren gives Bo a syringe full of Socrates’ own hallucinogenic for subduing Vex.

Bo wants to talk because they could be there a while. She wants to know about their break, about Taft, about who Karen is. The heart-to-heart is interrupted when a tall blonde who looks like she’s auditioning for a part as a walker on The Walking Dead stumbles up and snatches the big knife. Clearly, Vex’s mesmering at work. Bo takes off after the walker.

Here's Vex
Here’s Vex

She finds Vex in a warehouse. She tells him he and The Wanderer are going to undo making her dark Fae. He says he knows nothing about a Wanderer but legends. She intends to haul him back to the Morrigan.

Through a misshap with the girl who was on her way to The Walking Dead, Vex shoots the drug into Bo. We see that Vex’s hand is seriously messed up. We also see that Vex’s messed up hand looks something like a glimpse of arm we saw in episode 4 when Lauren’s captor revealed himself.

Bo wakes on a bed, paralyzed. Vex is boiling up something to help him with some surgery.

Some necessary surgery
Some necessary surgery

He must cut off his hand with the giant knife in order to save his own life. He’s the last mesmer and not about to go quietly into that good night. Bo urges Vex not to amputate his own hand. Lauren didn’t do a full amputation – just a break. Now they are back together again and Bo is humming heart happy songs.

Vex is annoyed by her happy heart and ready to cut off his right hand, Ginger, because he’ll still be able to dance with Fred, his left hand. Most guys name their junk, but not Vex.

At the party Evony flips a coin and Tamsin gets to pick the weapons for the duel over Bruce. She chooses to dance. Lucky us, there is a D.J. handy to spin some tunes.

Dance to the death
Dance to the death

Dance to the death commences. Tamsin’s been getting lessons from Kenzi, but she’s pretty terrible, although I judged her twerking improved.

yep, awesome
Yep, awesome

Awesome Personified, however, is awesome, and clearly going to win the battle to remain the master of Bruce.

But wait, Tamsin has a secret weapon.

Is that fair in a dance off?
Is that fair in a dance off?

Tamsin goes skeletor on the dualist and kills her right there. One way to dance to the death, I guess. Tamsin’s a bit surprised and upset by her Valkyrie powers but the Morrigan says, “Well done, our little blooming warrior princess.”

Back at the warehouse, Bo regains some movement. Vex drinks the stuff he’s been brewing and THWACK, he chops off the hand just as Bo is able to get off the bed.

He did it
He did it

Oh, gross. She picks up the hand. Don’t mesmers bleed?

Vex uncovers a red sports car that looks like it should belong to Agent Colson on Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D and which he will now have trouble driving. The missing hand, you know.

Bo chases after him and learns that she should have been talking to The Morrigan’s archivist if she wanted answers. Bo realizes The Morrigan played her. Vex wants her to “take the stick” if he takes the clutch and together they can drive off in the hot red sports car.

We miss the whole car driving experience and go straight to The Morrigan’s office for the next scene. Bo gives Evony the hand in a bag of ice, but Evony wants ALL of Vex to get rid of the Una Mens. Bo says she won’t let him be tortured. Evony says okay, if Bo agrees to be responsible for him. She says fine, so now Bo is babysitting Vex again.

Bo says, “Archivist. Now.” The Morrigan says, “Oh, you figured it out.”

Right off the top of his head.
Off the top of his head

The archivist (Clint Butler) enters and pulls a layer of skin off his bald head. Any pledge to the dark shows up there. He hands the flap of skin to Bo. The Morrigan, peaking over her shoulder, says, “There’s your signature. And there’s your sponsor.”

Bo reads from the flap of skin, “Who’s Raynor?”

Evony hasn’t a clue. Bo wants her to tear it up because she obviously had nothing to do with the agreement. Evony says it’s a binding agreement and the only person who can change it is her sponsor.

Bo snatches Vex’s hand back. Lauren walks in. Evony conveniently leaves her own office so Bo and Lauren can share doleful eye contact.

Cut to the Dungeon. The Keeper is still questioning Trick. She offers him the job of The Ash. He wants it.

Bo wants to take Lauren back to her place to share a giant claw-footed bathtub.

No claw-footed bathtub for us
No claw-footed bathtub for us

Lauren makes one of those awful speeches she does periodically when she’s protecting someone. (Speaking of Crystal, where do you think she is?) She says she can’t go back with the light. The light never looked for her, but the dark offered her protection. No one else came. With the dark she can come and go as she pleases. Lauren says, I feel free. Bo says, I could free you.

Lauren says, How? Bo says I could claim you. Lauren thinks that’s not freedom.

We'll see each other around
We’ll see each other around

Lauren pats Bo’s shoulder. “It’s gonna be okay, Bo. Now that you’re dark, I’ll see you around.” I’ll see you around? What is Lauren doing?

Not happy now
Not happy now

Maybe Bo recognizes that Lauren’s speech closely resembles the cover story speech she delivered at Taft’s lab, because she says, “When you’re ready to come back to your real family, let me know.” Even so, Bo looks crushed as she leaves. No happy heart songs now.

Spread your wings and fly
Spread your wings and fly

Kenzi and Bruce talk in Kenzi’s bedroom. (Kenzi’s bedroom again. Hello room.) She tells him he’s free and he should spread his wings and fly. Tamsin, who is pretending to sleep nearby, smiles at this suggestion. I wonder, can Valkyries fly?

A talk with Trick
A talk with Trick

Bo brings Vex’s hand in a copper bucket of ice to the Dal. A drink and a talk with Trick at the Dal is the closest Bo has come to doing something normal since she’s been back. He tells her he’s been named the acting Ash. They drink to how odd it is that Trick is the head of the light and Bo is the darling of the dark.

She asks about Raynor. Trick says they need to look in the King’s book of records.

There’s a rush of dramatic music and we see something spilled on the floor but I cannot tell what it is. Maybe the empty container that once held that pulsing seed?

The Archivist enters the dungeon where he gives the succubus declaration, AKA the hunk of skin from his bald head, to The Keeper. She looks at it and opens a big book.

Raynor!
Raynor!

She looks for the name Raynor. When she finds it the letters go all squiggly. She says, “No. It cannot be. Never again.”

“The Wanderer” plays as the credits roll.

Personal Thoughts

  • The Bo and Lauren reunion is less than perfect, I suspect because Lauren is once again, for the millionth time, doing something she doesn’t want to do because someone she cares about is in danger. If I’m right, that may mean Ali Liebert isn’t finished with Lost Girl yet.
  • The name Raynor comes from a root word that means king or leader. In Norse the meaning of the name Raynor is warrior from the gods. I’m thinking that means The Wanderer. The music at the end was a big clue, but the name tipped me off long before the final credits.
  • I’m not convinced that Vex is the guy who was holding Lauren and Crystal in episode 4. It didn’t sound like Vex on the speaker. Why would Vex call her Karen? But the hand looked wonky like Vex’s hand. Who else could it be and how did Lauren get delivered to The Morrigan?
  • Since Bo can be healed by sexual chi, I’ve indulged in wishful thinking that the cruel, not-our-regular Bo we’ve seen in the previous episodes this season would be healed by Lauren’s return. Healing love, don’t you know. It almost seemed like that was happening, but it didn’t quite. The jury is still out on whether Bo can return to her pure heart.

Recap: Lost Girl S4, E4, Turn to Stone

A poem should not mean
But be.
– Ars Poetica by Archibald MacLeish.

This season on Lost Girl storylines just are. No transitions, no explanations, no clarifications. They are what they are. Like the poet said, we must be willing to let it be, no matter how badly our minds want to fill in the blanks.

Bo (Anna Silk) and Dyson (Kris Holden-Ried) are boxing. Bo complains about being restless. Dyson says you have to lay low, they’re looking for you. Bo says, so they want to kill me – so what. Dyson says the Una Mens power is ancient. Bo points out that’s the last thing on her mind. Dyson asks if she wants to talk about that first thing on her mind.

Bo pauses, is there any word? Dyson says not lately, but it’s better if she stays away. Then he says Lauren’s smart, she can take care of herself.

Oh, now Bo remembers Lauren. As soon as we realize this new fact, Bo strips off her boxing gloves and says she might as well juice up if she has to protect herself.

In case I need to protect myself
In case I need to protect myself

She grabs Dyson by his junk and wants sex. He’s willing and they start tearing off their clothes and going at it. They’re rough about it. Not Buffy and Spike destroying a building rough, but definitely not tender.

A stone gargoyle appears. It startles them and disappears.

I'm here
I’m here

It’s the first of several appearances the stone boy will make, but it doesn’t distract the succubus from her sex drive for long.

At the clubhouse an older teen Tamsin (Eliana Jones) is being schooled in the art of twerking by Kenzi (Ksenia Solo). We all know that the way to escape being labeled a child is to twerk, right? Kenzi’s brushing Tamsin’s hair and comments that not a single strand came out on the brush.

Let me in
Let me in

Bo arrives but cannot enter because of a guard spell on the doors that flares up. Kenzi runs to fix it because “it’s only supposed to block out malicious Fae.” Can you say foreshadowing?

Kenzi gives Bo a huge hug. It’s apparently one of many, because Bo asks how long the incessant hugging is going to last.

Bo and Kenzi leave teen Tamsin at home to watch The X Files so they can go boozing at a Dal made very sad by the approach of the Una Mens. Trick is nowhere in sight, but Bo puts music on and gets everyone in the place dancing. Bo Bo is back, says Kenz.

Massimo (Tim Rozen) is at the Dal, wanting payment from Kenzi for his faux fae sparkle cream. She promises he’ll get it and lifts a jar of the stuff from his pocket while smiling into his eyes with succubus-like charm.

Back at the clubhouse, teen Tamsin gets a visit from a couple of guys in hoods and robes. She goes all skeletor on them and then bends over with a pain in her back accompanied by the sound of bones cracking. When Bo and Kenzi get home, the place is emptied out. They’ve been robbed.

I think I grew again
I think I grew again

They find a naked Tamsin, who is finally the grown up Rachel Skarsten we’ve been waiting for. She says, I think I grew again.

Bo and Tamsin are at the police station, reporting the robbery to Dyson.

Here's what you can do if you're good
Want to go shopping?

Bo and Dyson talk about sex but because of Tamsin’s baby ears they refer to it as going shopping. It’s flirtatious and sounds like fun to Tamsin, who wants to go shopping with them. Bo jumps up with the excuse that she needs to use the facilities and dashes off, leaving Dyson stuck babysitting Tamsin.

Who's this?
Who’s this?

Tamsin points to a book of mug shots where a photo of Lauren in circled in red. Who’s this? she asks. Dyson says it’s someone who’s lost and Tamsin has to help him find her.

It's all my fault
It’s all my fault

Cut to a dark room where Crystal (Ali Liebert) is handcuffed to a pipe. She says, It’s all my fault. They told me they wouldn’t hurt you. Lauren (Zoie Palmer), who finally sports her own blonde hair, wants to know who they are.

Should I call you Karen
Should I call you Karen?

A voice comes from a speaker. Long time no see Lauren, or should I call you Karen?

Kenzi looks for Massimo and gets thrown in a van by a couple of thugs. Bo appears and saves her. Bo says since when to you fly solo? I’m back. Kenzi says it’s my problem. She tells Bo that the problem is with Massimo and Bo gets upset that Kenzi knows him. Bo thinks Massimo sucks.

Bo and Kenzi go to Massimo’s place. Bo tells him the rune glass didn’t work, it didn’t kill her. He says, I gave it to Tamsin to mark you, to allow you to transcend planes to be collected. She wants to know who took her but he won’t say.

Bo says she wants their stuff back and then he’s going to leave Kenzi alone. He still wants payment, which he will take in the form of something that grows in Lauren’s apartment on her green wall. Bo says they will get the herb, but if he doesn’t keep his end of the bargain, she will kill him. She looks like she means it, too. What happened to all those I’m not a murderer speeches she used to make?

Back in the dark room where Lauren and Crystal are held, Crystal confesses, I slept with you to keep you close. They made me. But after I did, it was different. It was more. I’m thinking when a woman who can keep a succubus happy visits your bed, her mad skills definitely should make an impression. Is that the kind of “more” Crystal means? Nah, probably not.

Lauren nods her head. Spybanged – I’ve been here before. In your shoes, actually.

confessions
confessions

Lauren makes a confession of her own. She has a brother who’s an eco-terrorist. She made pipe bombs for him to blow up pipelines. Eleven people got killed by one of her pipe bombs. She says, not a day goes by that I don’t hate myself. She’s been running ever since. Lauren says, I don’t know why I’m telling you this. I never even told Bo.

The voice on the speaker wants Lauren to look under a tarp, where a drawer full of science equipment waits. If she doesn’t provide some science within an hour, Crystal dies. Is Lauren really going to have to go through this again?

Where't the herb?
Where’s the herb

At Lauren’s Kenzi looks for the right plant as she and Bo talk about Lauren. Like why did she go with Taft? Kenzi says Lauren was one of the good ones. Bo says I always thought you were on Dyson. Kenzi guiltily asks on, what do you mean on? Bo explains she means team Dyson.

wanted
Wanted

Bo finds the wanted poster for Karen Beattie. She says I didn’t know Lauren at all. I don’t even know her name. Why does everyone lie to me, she asks. Except you, Kenzi, which is why I love you. Opps, goes Kenzi’s face. They try to leave with the herb but flames bar the door.

Was I a good cop?
Was I a good cop?

At the police station, Tamsin is helping Dyson check Lauren’s phone records. No phone calls for the last two days. She wonders if she was a good cop. She wants to know if Bo is Dyson’s girlfriend. He qualifies his answer by explaining about Lauren. What does love feel like, asks Tamsin.

At Lauren’s apartment, Bo and Kenzi discuss how to get past the flames. Kenzi says maybe it’s the Sparkle Plenty gleam cream and a shower might help, but she doesn’t want to wash her hair.

Be gone, gleam cream
Be gone, gleam cream

Bo solves the problem by dumping water on Kenzi’s head. At least Kenzi can get through the door now. Bo stays behind and digs through Lauren’s stuff. She finds a gift box – the card reads “For giving me the freedom to love. And I do.” Inside is a necklace.

For giving me the freedom to love
For giving me the freedom to love

Bo assumes the gift was for her and clutches it to her heart. Well, as close as she can get to her heart with those boobs cantilevered up so high by her engineering marvel of a bra. She looks soft and moved – the Bo we used to know before this Bo who threatens to murder people showed up.

Bam, up pops the gargoyle. Bo turns to the gargoyle but it’s gone. Who’s there? she asks. Wanderer? She tells whatever it is that she won’t be taken again. She finally catches a glimpse of the gargoyle. It’s mouth is bloody and Bo has a bite on her arm. Kenzi returns to fix the flames at the door and finds Bo with a bloody arm.

What's happening?
What’s happening

Cut to Tamsin, who is bleeding from her shoulder blades.

Kenzi bandages Bo’s arm and makes her own all-inclusive confession. She owes Massimo a lot. She’s been stealing from Trick and from Hale. She can’t get a permanent Fae power no matter how much she tries. She’s been feeling helpless and not able and a liability. She kissed Dyson. But she thinks she only really wants to kiss Hale. She’s alone.

You left me, Bo.
You left me, Bo.

Bo says she’s not alone, she has Bo. Kenzi says, you left me, Bo. What if you leave again? As hard as I try, I’m just not one of you. Bo says what’s going on? Of all the things I’m in the dark about, I never thought it would be you.

Dyson calls and says he’s lost Tamsin. Bo asks Kenzi what she saw of theirs at Massimo’s. Kenzi mentions her hair brush, which Bo thinks Massimo wants because of the mad value of Valkyrie hair.

Massimo shows up at the clubhouse and tells Tamsin they are friends and she is supposed to go with him. He takes her to his place where he tapes her to a chair and cuts off a hunk of hair.

Valkyrie hair. Yes.
Valkyrie hair. Yes.

Tamsin squirms about in the chair and moves her shoulders as he explains that she tried to kill Bo. That’s why Bo hates me, she says. He’s only interested in the hair.

Bo arrives to tell him not to cut a woman’s hair when she doesn’t want it. He puts his razor to Bo’s throat and we hear a powerful command, “Stop. Release,” from Tamsin.

The Valkyrie has her wings.
The Valkyrie has her wings.

Bo and Massimo are startled by Tamsin, who has sprouted a wing span of about 15 feet. That’s new.

In lockup, Lauren reports that the elder she’s supposed to diagnose needs to stop eating his own kind because he has “mad fae” disease. She takes off her handcuffs and chains, calling them child’s play. She doesn’t remove Crystal’s handcuffs, however. For some reason, the dude on the speaker has to do that.

Come on out, Hale, Lauren says.

You're not Hale
You’re not Hale

A metal door clangs open, a shaft of light illuminates Lauren, and she stares in amazement. All we see is a bit of arm. You’re not Hale, she says.

At Massimo’s pad, Tamsin wants to kill him, figuring she kills because she’s dark. Plus the fact that she announces that she’s the Harbinger of Death. Bo tells her she can be whatever she want to be. Tamsin says you despise me. Bo says we fought but I never hated you. In fact I thought you were incredible.

I thought you were incredible
I thought you were incredible

Bo hugs Tamsin, gives her a full body shot of succubus charm. The wings retract, the murder goes out of her eyes, and Tamsin says that’s what love feels like.

Massimo says when a Valkyrie gets her wings it’s her last life. Bo accuses him of sending the gargoyles, but he says they only serve their masters.

You're human
You’re human

She succubus kisses him and blurts out, you’re human! That how you got into our house.

I’m a Druid he says, you need me.

She takes the lock of Valkyrie hair. He begs for it back. He cries, saying it’s for his mommie. Bo says, mommie issues – take a number. Bo walks out and tosses the hair in a flaming cauldron. Massimo screams and jumps into the cauldron, too. Bo says no, but she smiles: cruel.

Bo’s back in boxing gloves hitting the punching bag. She tells Kenzi she’s not mad about Dyson. Bo says that Druid potion that marked her needed to be a kiss from someone who would never betray her. Kenzi says, but I did. Bo says, no. You and me found each other and we are family. We stick together even though we fight and screw up.

Family sticks together
Family sticks together

Forgiven and accepted, Kenzi beams.

In Kenzi’s bedroom, Dyson is telling bedtime stories to Tamsin to get her to sleep. It’s season 4 and we just now see Kenzi’s bedroom. It’s strung with twinkly lights but otherwise is so dark you can’t tell much about it, which is a problem because I want to look around. Kenzi comes in. Dyson and Kenzi talk quietly on her bed.

I've lost Lauren
I’ve lost Lauren

Dyson tells her she doesn’t have to be Fae to have a place among them. He offers to teach her how to be “more.” He tells her he’s lost Lauren and he needs to find her.

You have not been summoned
You have not been summoned

Bo walks into the dungeon where the Keeper (Christine Horne) held Vex. You have not been summoned to appear before us, the Keeper says.

Bo says, I go where I want when I want. I don’t live by your rules. Kill me if you can.

The Keeper says, we are not interested in your proposal. Our intention was to eliminate the unaligned succubus.

Bo says, yeah, here.

Your blood has spoken. You have chosen a side.

What side?

You are dark.

Personal Thoughts

  • Lauren is the lost girl in this episode and Bo’s heart seems hardened. We are not back to normal yet. Plus memory losses are still an issue.
  • References to building pipe bombs and spybangs and the value of Valkyrie hair go way back to past seasons. Nice. Also nice the way Lauren’s living wall turned out to be meaningful.
  • Bo is told she’s dark whether she chose to be or not. That’s an interesting twist. Will she remember her words to Tamsin that she can be whatever she wants? And if it’s her blood that has placed her in the dark camp, what about her Blood King grandfather, who is light? Aife is dark. The Wanderer, who may or may not be her father, is dark. Does she really have a choice?
  • Dyson is always willing to have sex with Bo, but he doesn’t regard her as his despite her willingness to have sex with him. Does this mean Lauren is still a factor in a love triangle? Most importantly, why doesn’t Bo show any interest in rushing off to save her?
  • Brava Ksenia Solo! I love the joy of the endless quip from Kenzi, I do. But thanks to the writers for giving Ksenia Solo the chance to show her considerable range and depth this season. So much talent.

Trailer: House of Cards, season 2

If you have Netflix and haven’t watched the first season of House of Cards I recommend you watch it. It’s excellent in every possible way storytelling and acting can be excellent. The first season won 3 Emmy awards.

Season 2 will be released February 14, 2014. Here’s the trailer from Netflix.

Among the many featured actors in the series are Kevin Spacey, Michael Gill, Robin Wright, and Kate Mara. Kevin Spacey carries the lead as the ruthlessly ambitious Francis Underwood.

What a Year for Woman over 40 and the Golden Globes

The Golden Globe nominees for 2014 were announced last week. It’s worth mentioning the number of names in the female categories that are women over 40. There were at least 2 of the 5 nominees in each category who are over 40.

I have to confess that one of my favorites, Tatiana Maslany, is in the under 40 group. That said, I’m loving how many of the nominations went to women over 40 – some of them several decades over 40. I celebrate them all!

Look at the names of women over 40 who scored awards nominations this year.

Best Actress in a Mini-Series or TV Movie: Helena Bonham Carter, Jessica Lange and Helen Mirren

Best Actress in a Motion Picture, Drama: Cate Blanchett, Sandra Bullock, Emma Thompson and Judi Dench

Best Actress In A Motion Picture, Musical or Comedy: Meryl Streep, Julia Louis-Dreyfus and Julie Delpy

Best Actress in a TV Series, Comedy: Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Amy Poehler and Edie Falco

Best Actress in a TV Series, Drama: Julianna Margulies and Robin Wright

Best Supporting Actress in a Motion Picture: Julia Roberts and June Squibb

Best Supporting Actress in a Series, Mini-Series or TV Movie: Jacqueline Bissett, Janet McTeer, Monica Potter and Sofia Vergara

Recap: Lost Girl S4, E3 Lovers. Apart.

Bo (Anna Silk) is back in command of most of the scenes in Lost Girl this episode, but she’s not quite in command of her memory yet. I’m usually the queen of willing suspension of disbelief, but this episode strained even my willingness to gloss over strange plot points. Oh, who cares, Bo is back!

Dyson (Kris Holden-Ried) and Clio (Mia Kirshner) pop into view on the train. Dyson is disoriented and in pain.

Cleo saves Dyson
Clio saves Dyson

Clio explains (exposition is her middle name) that his pain is transcendental in nature because he isn’t an elemental (not because he’s been reading too much Ralph Waldo Emerson). Clio, the elemental, can blow red smoke rings in his ear to save him from trancendentalism.

A strange conductor appears and Dyson asks about Bo. Every time he says the word “Bo” the entire train shakes. And he says Bo a lot! They hear screams. Clio says it’s damsels (damsels?) who are trapped and trying to get out. She says they have to get out of there and find his girl.

Bo runs through the woods
Bo runs through the woods

Bo meanwhile is running through the woods in her white nightgown and Keds. Every succubus wears Keds with her nightgowns, right? She finds a house and goes inside. The furniture is covered with sheets. She hears arguing about what a shit hole this is and that it will only be for one night. A family walks in.

Family time
Family time

They are the Jenkins family, played by Lochlyn Munro, Chloe Rose and Katherine Ashby. Bo stares at them, says “Home?” and the daughter bashes her on the head with an iron skillet. Ouch.

A barefooted woman approaches a man working at a vent. It looks like its full of papers that were hidden there. Is that a wanted poster for Karen Beatie? The woman talks to the man about his piano and how she could have made him a star. Then she touches him and he turns to a puddle of goo. We know who can turn people into stars and/or puddles of goo, don’t we?

Ebony has her own problems.
Evony has her own problems.

She turns to face the camera and we see that Evony (Emmanuelle Vaugier ), the once famous Morrigan, has problems. Getting trapped by Vex behind a painting of yourself apparently isn’t good for your eyes.

At the cafe, Lauren (Zoie Palmer) has reorganized the place, which she explains to Crystal (Ali Liebert) with scientific precision. She asks Crystal if she likes it and Crystal says, “Yeah, I do like.” Of course, she isn’t talking about the sugar and salt placement and whether the vinegar is next to the ketchup. She’s talking about the woman in the bad wig.

I do need some sugar
I do need some sugar

Actually, maybe Crystal does like where the sugar is, because she snakes around Lauren to get it. Lauren says, “Crystal, I can’t,” once again. Methinks she doth protest a lot.

Bo wakes up. The two Jenkins women are staring at her. Bo asks, “Were you on the train? What happened to all the smoke? Does this have something to do with Lauren?” Julia, the daughter, says, “Bitch, I think your brain broke.”

Sounds like Kenzi, does Julia. Bo says, “I am so hungry.” The mother says, “Would you like something to eat?” Bo says, “Please do not ask me that.” The father walks in from hanging a whole line of shoes on the clothesline right outside the window. Hungry Bo looks at his hunkiness. Julia says, “Could you please not look at my Dad like he’s a hot dog.” When the mother tells her to be polite, Bo says, “She reminds me of my friend. It’s comforting.”

Dad says Bo has to go. She asks to use the ladies room and instead wanders all over the house.

Dyson and Clio find Bo’s room on the train. The nurse person tells them Bo’s gone. Dyson and Clio go to the back of the train and find a scrap of the white nightgown. Clio explains that if Bo jumped from the train the transcendental delirium that had affected him could kill her. Well, an elemental could save her. Maybe.

Take a flying leap
Take a flying leap

They hold the scrap of material and leap from the train.

Bo wanders in a basement in the house, finds a room with a metal door that looks like a cell. The Jenkins crew shows up with papa aiming a double barreled shotgun at Bo and generally being in a hurry for her to get going. They say they are protecting Julia from a ghost. Papa explains how they are haunted and on this exact day each year they lock themselves in these cells until morning to escape the ghost. “Dealing with weird shit is kinda what I do,” says Bo. “I can help.”

Papa doesn’t want help. The girl protests that there is no ghost. They explain that you cannot go outside past the shoes.

Bo agrees to leave. Dad locks up Julia.

Kenzi’s favorite Druid, Massimo (Tim Rozon), walks in to Lauren’s old apartment, where a woman is doing Evony’s nails. He says, “All of a sudden you can’t live without me.” Oh, the scene with the vent must have been in Lauren’s apartment, too. I see it now.

Why is Evony living in Lauren’s apartment? Didn’t it belong to the light Fae?

Imperial brown with a slight touch of green near the cornea
Imperial brown with a slight touch of green near the cornea

Evony wants Massimo to grow her eyeball back. And he better do it right. He promises a perfect imperial brown eye with a slight touch of green near the cornea.

Here's Bo!
Here’s Bo!

Bo enters Julia’s cell. Bo’s lock picking skills are definitely returning. She calls Julia “Kenz,” and asks what’s going on.

Julia shows her a scrap book filled with news clippings about Jenkins family members who killed their whole families. Her dad saw his father shoot his entire family. They think a ghost makes them do it. Bo offers to help get her out of there.

Dyson and Clio and in the woods, tracking Bo’s scent. Until Dyson loses it. But, of course, Clio knows where to find Lazy John (Darren Frost).

Have you seen a succubus?
Have you seen a succubus?

Seems Lazy John was buried in the woods by monkeys. (Monkeys? Global warming has forced all the monkeys to move to Canada?) Clio asks if he’s seen a succubus running through the woods. He won’t talk unless he gets what he wants.

Clio knows what he wants. She whips off her shoe and offers to let him suck “just one” of her perfectly manicured toes. No deal, he wants Dyson’s toes. I’m heartbroken to report that we did not get to see Dyson getting his toes sucked by Lazy John. But afterwards, Dyson said, “We won’t ever speak of this,” as they head in the right direction to find Bo.

Bo and Julia are making their escape through the shoes. The shoes are there because the ghost has to try on every pair – slows her down, you see. And you have to walk backwards by the shoes because a ghost can’t jump into you when you’re going backwards. At which point Bo realizes the ghost is a body jumper. Too late, because it jumps into Julia even as Bo figures it out.

Papa with his shotgun thinks he’s going to have to kill Julia because the thing is in her. Bo tries to calm him down. Turns out he was the one who killed his whole family, not his father as he led everyone to believe.

I know what it's like
I know what it’s like

Bo feels for the guy. She knows what it’s like to have something inside you that you can’t control.

Sparks fly from the light fixtures and the fire in the fireplace flares up. Julia rises up and talks in the same kind of strange voice Bo uses when she’s Bo-the-all-powerful. Julia claims to be pure evil. Bo tells mama and papa Jenkins to go hide, and with blue eyes flashing, she faces off with evil Julia.

At the cafe, Crystal brings Lauren a tip. Lauren goes straight to the sexual tension and says, “I’m sorry, I just have a lot on my mind.”

Crystal says, “I get it.” Lauren ask her why she’s there. Crystal explains that she thinks she’s bad luck and that her dreams of being the best singer in the big city were too much. She’s settled for smaller dreams. She shows Lauren an ad for a 10 acre farm, which she wants to buy. Crystal says, “I know you’re not on the market, but if you ever want to grab some pizza and beer and vent, you know where I live.”

I do know your address
I DO know your address

Lauren doesn’t think she knows where Crystal lives, but it seems Crystal put her address in with the tip. Does Lauren like this? Yes, she does.

At the house in the woods, Bo and Julia are tossing each other around the room when Dyson arrives and grabs Julia. This apparently drives the chumby (gumby? jumbie?) body jumper right out of Julia and gives Bo a chance to say hello to Dyson.

I'm so glad to see you
I’m so glad to see you

Their hug fest is interrupted by Clio, who houses the chumby now. She tries to stab Dyson.

Lauren knocks on Crystal’s door. She’s brought beer, pizza and venting.

Crystal just brought herself
Crystal just brought herself

Crystal answers the door in a tank top and undies. Lordy.

They’ve subdued Clio now, so the jumbie jumps back into Julia, who promptly slices open her mother’s throat. Clio offers to get a peony plant to stop the bleeding. Dyson wants Bo to go or she’ll die, but Bo says she’s got it, she can handle it.

Crystal and Lauren are on the floor, leaning on her bed, doing the venting and drinking and eating just like they said they would.

Pizza, beer and what?
Pizza, beer, and what?

Pizza and beer and venting must be a great aphrodisiac because Lauren finally stopped saying I  can’t and switched to yes, yes, yes. Although the experience is vigorous to the max, the red hair stays in place. How can that be?

Dyson and Bo chase Julia into the woods, where Bo heals her by sucking the chi and the chumby out of her.

Stop torturing them
Stop torturing them

Suddenly Bo is in a whole other place, with a woman in old garb – the gumbie? She tells the woman to stop torturing the Jenkins family. The woman shows her reinactments of how she was tortured by the Jenkins family as a witch. How they tried to prove to her fiancé Noah that she was a witch by holding her underwater. This didn’t kill her, not because she is a witch, but because she’s an elemental. Boy, the elementals are taking over the place.

The older Jenkins leveled his double barreled shotgun (same gun?) at the woman and her Noah. He killed them both with a single blast. Then he buried them in two different graves. That’s her problem – the separate graves.

Bo wakes up suddenly. Oh, the whole reinactment in some other place was a dream. Okay. Even so, Bo feels all the anger. The chumby is trying to take over Bo. Dyson urges her to fight.

By the way, Massimo came through. Evony likes the new eye. She kisses him. He says, “What was that?” She says she realizes now she’s been far too nice. She wants to kill the succubus. Massimo says, “She’s gone. I helped Tamsin get rid of her for you.”

With Bo gone, Evony plans to take over everything. Massimo looks a bit concerned with this news.

Bo is still struggling with the gumby anger. She says, “Separate forever.” Clio jumps up and down in excitement. She says, “I know. If we bury them together it will end the gumbies need for vengeance.”

Bo gives Dyson a big kiss, says she can fight the chumby inside her, and sends him off to find the graves. Dyson and Clio find the graves and transfer all the bones into a single grave. Dyson finds wedding rings among the bones. Dyson has wedding rings, therefore, Bo appears.

In sickness and in death.
In sickness and in death.

Dyson puts a ring on Bo, a ring on himself, and recites some marriage vows as if he were Noah about loving her in sickness and in death. She does the same.

This drives the jumbie out of Bo and the ghosts of the two dead lovers do a little happy dance above the graves until they settle together in one. Bo, who is apparently back to herself now, looks at her ring finger, says, “Wait. Are we?” Dyson answers, “Ready to go home.” She says, “Hell yes.”

Lauren walks into Ronny’s Cafe all happy, still chipper about her enthusiastic yes from last night. And damn, what should happen but the phone rings and Ronny says some guy has been calling every 10 minutes asking about a Karen. She keeps walking and heads out the back.

Julia Jenkins, back to her normal Kenzi-clone self, is thanking Bo and offering to share some better fashions than the mud spattered nightgown. Bo gives her a slip of paper with contact information on it. Oh, I hope that means that Chloe Rose will be coming back again. It would be fun to see the real Kenzi and this near-Kenzi crossing verbal swords in the same room!

Lauren goes to Crystal’s and tells her she has to leave town. Crystal wants to come. Lauren says no. Crystal promises not to tell anyone who Lauren is.

Dyson, Bo and Clio and walking down a road in the woods, headed home. Dyson asks Clio to do the ear thing to Bo.

No smoke rings in the ear for Bo
No smoke rings in the ear for Bo

Instead Clio grabs Bo and holds a knife to her throat. She wants to collect money for delivering Bo. This doesn’t go over well with Bo, who is sick of being lied to and double crossed, and who sucks Clio down to a limp mess in the middle of the road. She doesn’t completely drain her, however, because dying with a smile on her face is too good for her. They killed Mia on The L Word, they killed her on Defiance, but our Bo has a heart of gold and she proves it. Mia lives!

Bo and Dyson walk away from Clio and talk about heading home. Later in the car, Bo is leaning on Dyson’s shoulder as he drives. They’re holding hands. She says, “I can’t wait to see everyone. Kenzi. Hale. Trick.” Hmm, isn’t there a name missing from that list? Dyson says, “Someday we’re going to have to talk about what happened on that train.” Bo says, “What train?” Dyson says, “I don’t know.” But Bo will figure out what happened to her one way or another.

Lauren is beside the road, trying to hitch a ride. Who should stop for her but Crystal. Lauren hops in, says, “I’m really happy to see you.” Crystal answers, “I’m really sorry.” Someone appears from the back seat and holds a cloth over Lauren’s nose, knocking her out. Big questions for next week: who was in the back seat and why did Crystal betray Lauren?

Bo and Dyson drive past Crystal’s car stopped on the side of the road. Bo says, “Should we stop?” Dyson says, “Whoever that is can fix their own flat tire.”

Personal Thoughts

  • Welcome back, Bo. We missed you.
  • Bo and Lauren were in the same neck of the woods through this entire episode. So close, yet so far away.
  • Is the illogical crap in the plot lines part of the memory issue afflicting everyone on Lost Girl? Please.
  • Not a word was said about Bo’s father in this episode. Want to bet me that they drag that particular point out to the last episode of season 4?
  • Just when Lauren started trusting that temptress Crystal, we learn she’s sold Lauren out. Man, the worst things happen to Lauren. Plus, this rules out any future horizontal mamboing between Lauren and Crystal, which is a crying shame. Come on, y’all, Bo and Lauren are on a break – Lauren can mambo where she wants. It seems doing the mambo with anyone but Bo results in betrayal, however. Is there some deeper message in that?
  • It would have been nice for Dyson and Clio to take a moment to fill the grave full of reunited bones back in. You know, instead of walking off leaving the grave wide open. That’s like Bette and Tina stumbling off for the bed while leaving the gas on full blast under the stir fry. We worry over these details, dear writers and editors.
  • I hope we haven’t seen the last of Mia Kirshner and Ali Liebert!

Review: The Hot Flashes

The Hot Flashes was directed by Susan Seidelman and stars a slew of women, chief among them Brooke Shields, Daryl Hannah, Virginia Madsen, Camryn Manheim and Wanda Sykes. That attracted me before I even had a clue what the film was about.

part of the hot flashes poster
Part of The Hot Flashes poster

It turns out The Hot Flashes is about the efforts of a group of Texas women who were once state high school champions in basketball to raise money to save a traveling mammogram truck. This was before Texas decided to close nearly all the clinics in the state where a woman could get a mammogram because they also offer birth control services. The mobile mammogram service was desperately needed even then.

The former champs are now a varied assortment of housewives, car salesmen, aspiring mayors, drug mavens, and oft married grocery store clerks. They’re old, out of shape, and have resentments remaining from years ago when they played together in high school.

Somehow Beth, the Brooke Shields character, manages to wrangle them into playing 3 games against the current high school women’s basketball team – which includes her daughter (played by Charlotte Graham) in an effort to raise $25,000 to save the traveling truck.

Mark Povinelli, a little person, is convinced to become the coach. The woman who works in the mammogram truck becomes the team manager. Eric Roberts is Brooke Shields husband – who is not a bit supportive of what she’s trying to do, by the way.

I’d give the film 3 out of 5 stars, meaning I liked it even if it isn’t Oscar material for best picture. It was fun to watch. It was inspiring. For a tale about overcoming all odds, it’s original and worthy of your time.

The Hot Flashes is available on DVD and from Netflix and Amazon. It was released in 2013.

Recap: Lost Girl S4, E2 Sleeping Beauty School

Trick (Richard Howland) talks to a photo of Bo. “Please, my darling granddaughter, just tell us. Where are you?” The question on everyone’s mind starts off the episode. Lost Girl still has a lost girl.

Dyson (Kris Holden-Ried) gets off his motorcycle at the spot where Tamsin drove off the cliff. The spot he’s been going to every day in search of Tamsin. He pokes around in the weeds.

Dyson finds this little hellion in the weeds
Dyson finds this little hellion in the weeds

He finds a little spitfire of a girl (Ava Preston). Based on her attitude and her mass of blonde hair, I think she’s a teeny-tiny Valkyrie.

Kenzi surveys the bed
Kenzi surveys the welcome-home love nest

Kenzi (Ksenia Solo) is preparing Bo’s bedroom for a welcome home. She has everything a succubus could want in her love nest: chocolate, lube, the promise of angel quality Victoria Secret models and a perfectly made bed. I like this shot of Kenzi checking out the bed because it has both Mia Kirshner and Ali Liebert listed as guest stars on the same screen.

Dyson asks her what she’s doing, especially since they haven’t found Bo yet. As Kenzi fondles Bo’s kimono, he tells her she needs to come downstairs.

I think she was in the crash.
I think she was in the crash.

Kenzi sees the urchin in the kitchen and says, “Oh, my god, it’s mini-me.” Dyson tells her he thinks she was in the crash. “Valkyries have many lives.” He wants to keep her because she may know something about Bo’s father. Kenzi agrees that they need to go all interrogation on her. The girl tosses a huge knife into the wall with perfect accuracy, says, “Peace out, losers,” and flounces off. Kenzi says, “Tamsin,” and Dyson agrees.

Whatcha doing on the phone, Amber?
Whatcha doing on the phone, Amber?

At Ronny’s Restaurant, Lauren – err, Amber – is cursing a phone call that doesn’t go through. Crystal, another waitress, comes up behind her. It’s everyone’s favorite Bomb Girl, Ali Liebert. She says, “You ever need anything . . . ” as an offer to help the lovely Amber with just about anything. Amber denies needing help and walks off.

Trick is explaining that newly reborn Valkyries don’t always remember everything, which is why they can’t get the info they want out of tiny Tamsin. He says they sometimes suppress memories from the last lifetime.

Trick comments on how insecure the clubhouse is while messing with a crate he brought from the Dal. You know which crate, the one with The Wanderer card in it that nobody has yet noticed contains an image of Bo. Dyson notices cuts on Trick’s arm and Trick explains about a run-in with Aife. Unfortunately, the encounter drove Aife, “back to insanity over the loss of her child.” That’s ambiguous enough to let them do just about anything with Aife in future episodes.

Kenzi still has the compass
Kenzi still has the compass

Trick says to find Bo they need the compass they left behind at Angleworm’s, but Kenzi whips it out and says, “Oh, this bad boy?” Trick checks out the compass and announces that Bo is no longer on this physical plane.

Bo awakens
Bo awakens

Cut to Bo (Anna Silk), who wakes up atop a bed in a white nightgown. She’s in something that’s moving.

Where am I?
Where am I?

Bo peers out a window and sees clouds or smoke flying by. “Shit,” is her reaction.

Dyson and Trick are talking about someone who can traverse the intersecting planes of existence to track Bo. Endymion. He’s been missing for 800 years. The only Fae who might know where the missing Endymion is turns out to be his ex, Selene (Cynthia Preston), who owns a salon. Trick has her address right here in his Fae Rolodex.

Vex is tortured

They hear horrible screams and Trick says it’s the Una Mens. Cut to a dungeon where Vex (Paul Amos) is trussed up like a Thanksgiving turkey and bleeding from almost every square inch of skin. The dungeon master (Christine Horne) want to know where The Morrigan’s body is. Vex says she isn’t dead, she’s missing. They threaten him with a mask. For some reason the mask is really scary and he caves. He asks why he would give them a crazy bitch when he can give them – her. He gestures to a mask.

Which crazy bitch is Vex giving up?
Who is Vex giving up, the human doctor or the unaligned succubus?

The camera pans past masks for the unaligned succubus and the human doctor. Who is Vex selling out now? And what the hell are the scary masks about? They let him go but put some gooey gunk from the dungeon master’s neck in his mouth first.

At Selene’s salon, Dyson and Hale (K.C. Collins)  are looking for Endymion, also known as Eddie, which is much easier to spell, thank you. Selene says he hasn’t been around in ages. She wants to cut Dyson’s curly hair and drags him to the back.

My hat, now.
My hat, now.

Hale tries to break into the salon’s computer, when Clio (Mia Kirshner) shows up, snatches his hat, and says, “What do you want with Eddie? Selene isn’t going to tell you shit. You need to go see Astrid.” She writes something on Hale’s hand as a message to Astrid and disappears, leaving only the hat.

Back at the succubus love nest Kenzi is perfecting, tiny Tamsin is asking a lot of questions. Kenzi gives her a giant lollipop, which was part of the love nest supplies.

Maybe I lack imagination, but I cannot decide how Bo would make use of a giant lollipop during her sexual escapades. I finally decide the lollipop is an homage to The L Word because it looks exactly like the one Jenny, played so well by Mia Kirshner, was licking during Max’s baby shower.

Tiny Tamsin wants to know if Kenzi has a boyfriend and if they make out. Kenzi says men are dumb and love kicks you in the friggin’ box – or whatever. Tiny Tamsin eyes Bo’s night stand and says, “What’s a condom?” Kenzi says everything in Bo’s room is off limits to little Valkyries. The little Valkyrie is bouncing like mad. Kenzi says, “Why are you vibrating? Is that a Valyrie thing?”  Nope, just gotta pee.

Tiny Tamsin tosses Kenzi’s magic sparkle cream that makes her a fake Fae in the toilet. Kenzi demonstrates the gleam, but when Tiny Tamsin wants more she is out of gleam cream.

Getting the scent
Getting the scent

Astrid (Farah Merani), who has no mouth and therefore can’t talk, is talking a blue streak. She’s giving Dyson and Hale advice about their loves lives while she discusses scents. She says Hale needs to learn to hunt (Kenzi, we presume), and puts a drop of scent on him. She gives Dyson a vial she calls “one kiss.”

In the salon, a whole herd of scantily clad beautiful women dance around Dyson and Hale. Every good looking woman in Canada must have been hired for this scene. Suddenly Clio appears. She’s dressed in black slacks with a tucked in white shirt. Compared to the other women in the salon, she looks positively butch. Dyson wants to ask her questions, but she says, “Girls, it’s feeding time and guess who’s coming to dinner.” Dinner is Hale. (Yes, they did make a guess who’s coming to dinner joke about Hale. Boo. Hiss.) All the pretty girls gather around Hale, apparently to smell him. Because, you know, the scent.

The Wanderer
The Wanderer card

Kenzi attempts to make cookies to entertain Tiny Tamsin. Tiny Tamsin finds The Wanderer card. When she touches it, it bursts into flames. Someone finally notices that Bo is on the card. MMXV is also on the card, which Tamsin asks about. She also asks if Kenzi thinks Bo is stuck in the card.

Dyson breaks into a bedroom to find Eddie (Benjamin Ayres).  He’s asleep and Dyson can’t wake him. Selene appears and says Eddie isn’t dead, just fast, fast asleep.

At the restaurant, Lauren – err, Amber – sees a newspaper photo that looks a lot like Bo. She drops all her dishes on the floor. Crystal comes over to help clean up and lets Lauren know that she isn’t fooling anyone with her fake resume that says she’s waited tables before.

You're cute, funny and sexy.
You’re cute, funny and sexy.

Crystal touches Lauren, straightens her hair, pins on her name tag for her and calls her cute, funny and sexy. Oddly, she isn’t put off by the horrid wig. As if that wasn’t enough obvious flirting, Crystal wants to get a drink with Amber/Lauren after work.

The Lauren look
The Lauren look

Amber/Lauren gives Crystal that look, you know, the one where she uses her eyes. The look that says I realize you are incredibly desirable and you are offering yourself to me. Then she says she can’t have a drink after work, she just can’t.

one kiss
One kiss

Back in Eddie’s bedroom, Dyson uses his vial of one kiss to make Selene kiss Eddie and wake him up. She’d rather kiss Dyson, but the stuff in the vial works. Eddie is back with us. First he elbows his wife, calls her a harlot. Then he wants mead and a Turkish bath.

Kenz. I know that name.
Kenz. I know that name.

Bo is locking picking her way out of the railroad car, muttering, “You’re right Kenz, lock picking is a skill everyone should know.” She pauses, “Kenz, I know that name.” What? She doesn’t remember Kenzi? Everyone else remembers. Why doesn’t Bo remember? She gives up on the lock and pounds on the door. A nurse dressed in a uniform that looks like it was in style in the Civil War comes in and says, “Hush, you’ll awaken him.”

“Him?” asks Bo.

“I don’t think I can say,” says the nurse. Bo remembers she can charm people, because she immediately lays a succubus touch on the nurse to try to get more information out of her. The nurse says, “Beautiful eyes – both brown and blue. You’re the one.” Well, that’s spooky déjà vu.

The train goes all wobbly and the nurse says, “You made him angry.”

Eddie leads the way
Eddie leads the way

Eddie, who has a mysteriously appearing and disappearing umbrella, brought Hale and Dyson to a place with a lot of junk piled beside some railroad tracks. He says he must know Dyson’s true feelings for Bo to find her. First Dyson gives him a description: brown hair, 5’6″, etc. That won’t do. Dyson shows Eddie the burned card photo on his phone that Kenzi sent him. Eddie wants to know if Kenzi is his, too, just like this Bo. Hale says, “No, she’s mine.” Eddie says if Bo is the person on the card she’s in a heap of trouble.

To make the tracking work, Dyson has to give the feels. He says, “She has the most beautiful heart. And it breaks every time someone she loves is hurting. She’s brave. Stubborn. Passionate. True. She loves with all of her being. And I can’t do any of this without her.” Eddie likes that.

Hale says it’s hard to say stuff like that out loud. Dyson, says, “Hale, you gotta tell Kenzi how you feel.” Hale says it isn’t that easy, makes excuses. Dyson says no more excuses. Hale splits to go find Kenzi.

Girl talk
Girl talk

Amber/Lauren delivers a plate of liver and onions to a male customer. He says, “Thank you, darlin'” She sits down by Crystal to fold napkins and says, “I think that guy just slapped my butt with his eyes. How do you put up with some of these customers?”

“Same as I put up with some of the staff.” Getting turned down on an invite for drinks brings out the claws.

Amber/Lauren apologizes for earlier, which Crystal quickly forgives. The liver and onions guy chokes and Lauren goes into doctor mode.

restaurant surgery
restaurant surgery

Amber/Lauren slices open the guy’s throat with a table knife, asks him what kind of Fae he is to be sure she knows what she’s doing, and pulls a metal cage or something equally weird out of him. Despite the 7″ slit in his neck, he sits up and says thank you.

Amber/Lauren looks up to see that Crystal has filmed the whole thing with her phone. (Déjà vu is everywhere you look.) Crystal has visions of big money from selling this piece of alien footage somewhere. Lauren isn’t thrilled.

By the railroad tracks, Dyson and Eddie talk dimensional shifts. Dyson smells someone following them. (Clio is on a rooftop with binoculars.)

Hale shows up at the clubhouse with flowers. He’s practicing his speech to Kenzi when she comes in and tells him to hush because Tiny Tamsin is asleep. He gives her the flowers. She says, “Hale, that’s so sweet. These are gonna add that little boom, boom, pow Bo’s room needs.” She’s a heartbreaker, that Kenzi.

This is all right, right?
This is all right, right?

“I like you,” Hale blurts out. “Every time I walk into a room, you are all I can look at.” Kenzi plants a big kiss on him, pauses, wonders what she’s doing, sweeps everything off the counter and pulls Hale on top with her, pauses, says, “This is all right, right?” She grabs him again, does something with her hands in his lower regions while he is saying, “Wait, wait.” She looks at her handiwork, says, “Oh, god, I love you in purple!” and wraps her legs around him. Hale says, “Wait, it’s the perfume.” She doesn’t want to give up and waste the purple, but just then Tamsin screams.

They rush upstairs to find a teen Tamsin (Eliana Jones) with even more thick Valkyrie curls than Tiny Tamsin. Teen Tamsin is mortified by her breasts. They tell her everything will be okay and Hale attempts a Dad speech.

super bizarro
super bizarro

Teen Tamsin says she’s super bizarro. Kenzi says, “Sorry, kid. You’re growing up.”

Kudos to the casting crew. Not only did they find every pretty 20-something woman in Canada to be in the salon scenes, they also found two young actors who look very much like Rachel Skarsten to be the younger Tamsins.

Dyson finds a machine in the junk beside the railroad tracks. It looks a bit like an old radio from the days when radios had tubes and took up the whole living room wall. He thinks the thing is important but Eddie doesn’t know what it is. Dyson realizes Eddie has been asleep so long he doesn’t know what anything modern is and can’t track. Clio flies into the scene and tackles Eddie with his own umbrella. Clio rants about opening the gate to another dimension with a ticket and how it would make them all go boom. Then she fights off Dyson with the umbrella. He knocks out one of her teeth with the thing.

I'm Eddie
I’m Eddie

Clio says, “He is not Eddie. I’m Eddie,” and smacks the umbrella in the dirt for emphasis. Seems Eddie was asleep so long that she took over his gigs. Then we need some exposition about how Eddie’s spawn were elementals but they only have command of one element, whereas Clio is some sort of super elemental who has command of all four elements: earth, air, water, and fire. Finished with her exposition, Clio pushes Eddie onto the train tracks, and she knows a train is coming. He quotes 800 year old poetry as the train obliterates him leaving no trace. Clio says the next train comes at a quarter after 8 and asks if Dyson has a ticket. He says he might.

Back at the clubhouse, looking at The Wanderer card with MMXV on it. Could be 2015 or 8:15 pm. Kenzi says no one can touch the card because it bursts into flames, but Clio can because of the elemental thingy. Dyson and Clio leave with the card.

The ticket
The ticket

Clio stuffs the ticket in the strange machine. It works.

Dyson’s phone rings and it’s Lauren. She wants to come home. I hope home is the place where Bo is, and not some Fae compound ruled over by a new Ash. Dyson says it’s not safe, people are still looking for her. She tells Dyson to take care of her.

Vex is breaking into a car, on the phone promising money to – wait for it – Clio. He insists he will pay a lot if Bo is returned in one piece. Clio is talking on a plastic cylinder that appears and disappears from behind her ear without logical explanation. Do Apple and Google know about this communication device?

Train's coming
Train’s coming

Phone calls finished, Dyson and Clio go stand on the track, right where Eddie had once been. Clio says, “Shit’s about to get interesting. That’s a death train.” They disappear magically just as the train approaches.

Teen Tamsin sleeps in Bo’s bed as Kenzi sets off with a bejeweled gadget which she will use to pay for more Sparkle Plenty from Massimo. She swiped the jeweled thing from Trick, and he’s looking for it. Teen Tamsin may be grown Tamsin when she wakes up – did Kenzi think about that when she let her sleep in Bo’s perfect sex palace?

Amber/Lauren and Crystal are downing shots after work, still in the cafe. Yeah, I know Lauren said she couldn’t but that was before the video incident. Crystal leaves to pee and Lauren digs immediately for her phone. There’s a password. Crystal returns and tells her the password. Crystal says, “This is about that alien video.”

Thank you for deleting
Thank you for deleting

Lauren says, “That video can’t exist.” She explains about the bad people who will come for her and says she wishes she could tell Crystal more. Crystal deletes it. Lauren gives her a long, long, long hug. Crystal offers to delete 30 Instagrams of gas station sandwiches if hugging will happen again. Lauren says, “I’m Lauren.” Crystal says, “Nice to meet you, Lauren.”

I'm getting off this train
I’m getting off this train

Bo sucked enough chi from the nurse to be able to escape the train. (The train one hopes Dyson and Clio just boarded, but oh, well.) Bo opens the train door, looks out into the night, and leaps.

Personal Thoughts

  • Have they stopped using the word “fae” in every episode title?
  • Again, a light episode for new mommie Anna Silk, giving her time with the baby. And not making her stuff her new mommie body into Bo’s leather pants quite yet. However, this episode’s searching after Bo got us nowhere, really. She jumped off the train just as Dyson and Clio got on. Does that mean we have to spend another episode Bo-less? I’m ready for the succubus to be back at 100%.
  • Ali Liebert is so delicious. She’s the Marilyn Monroe of the 21st Century, minus all the simpering.
  • Maybe the props, especially the disappearing umbrella and the disappearing tube behind the ear that Clio used to communicate, were metaphors for the disappearing memories of Bo, who can’t remember Kenzi, and for Kenzi, who can’t seem to remember her own love life.
  • Rachel, where are you?

Review: The Sapphires

The delightful film The Sapphires is based on a real group of Aboriginal women from Australia who performed soul music in Viet Nam in 1968 for the troops there. Continue reading “Review: The Sapphires”

Teaser for Downton Abbey’s Christmas Show

Downton Abbey begins airing in the U.S. on January 5. The 2 hour Christmas special will air at the end of the season.

In the UK, this episode will air on Christmas day.

Small spoilers in the trailer reveal that Shirley MacLaine will be back and that Paul Giamatti will be about (playing Cora’s brother).

Say hi in the comments if you are a Downton Abbey fan.